Old fashioned stereo types

     Yesterday wasn’t too awful of a day.  After dropping my 10 year old daughter at school I took a quick shower, then I headed over to my sons place.  I nagged him about getting up to speed on the computer aspect of my online business and he told me that he had actually been doing some research and he had a few interesting ideas to talk about.  Wow, miracles really do exist.  

     After we got the talk about my business out of the way (if that’s what you can call it) we talked about his Grandfather.  It’s a very uncomfortable topic between us.  Not because it’s hard to talk about, but because I feel that my father has been less than generous when it comes to my son.  My father is very old fashioned.  He still believes the woman belongs in the kitchen and the man belongs working a full time job, punching a time card even if said job makes you completely and totally miserable.  My father isn’t stupid.  He realizes that most families can’t survive on the income of just one parent, but he believes that most of the problems in this world could be fixed by the man going to work and the woman staying home and raising the kids.  I see his point to an extent.  I do agree that when children are home alone alot they don’t have the structure and discipline that is so very important.  But I am getting away from the point I wanted to make.  My niece is just 3 0r 4 years older than my son.  Grandpa has spoiled her over the years.  He has helped her get cars, computers for school, and if she asks him for money, she usually gets it.  You may think I’m bitter over this (I’m not really, well, maybe a little.)  Anyway, that’s not the problem.  The problem is about 3 months ago my son asked his grandfather if he could get a $40.00 loan.  Grandpa refused.  It wasn’t because the money would cut my dad short.  It was because my dad believes that girls need help and boys need to get a job, work and figure it out on their own.  The thing is, just a month or so prior to this, my dad had given my 10 year old daughter enough money to get a used Playstation 3, not to mention buying her a new laptop for Christmas.  By the time my son reached about 11 or 12 years of age my dad quit buying him Christmas presents, birthday presents and so forth.  It’s really hard to explain this to my son who just sees a grandfather that turns him down every time he asks for a favor.  I think my son feels that he is not loved as much as his little sister or his cousin.  It is painful for a 20 year old that doesn’t have a whole lot of self-esteem to begin with.

     Of course I feel like I’m a total failure where my son is concerned.  His father and I fought over child support, visitation, and God knows what else until I realized how that was hurting my son and I just got tired of the arguing too.  His father was definatly not a good role model so now my 20 year old son is trying really hard to figure out what the next step in his life should be.  I’m trying to help without being too pushy.  I think if he feels his opinions are important it would help with self-esteem tremendously.  That’s why I’m trying to get him to help me with all this computer stuff related to my online store.  He seems really interested, but I don’t know if the interest is real, or if he’s just trying to make me happy.  I guess time will tell.  I will continue to try and boost my sons self esteem and hopefully he will find something to do in life that makes him excited to get up out of bed in the morning.  I guess that’s what every parent hopes for their child.

 

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