Hopeless

I woke up this morning in a fairly good mood. Saturday morning means not rushing around to get out the door. I climbed out of bed and glanced at the time on my cell phone. 6:15 it said. I sighed. Oh well that just meant I could get a few things done in peace. That didn’t last long. Soon it was time to take my daughter to her 1st 4H meeting. After that she went to stay with her Aunt.

Now I know what you’re thinking. The possibilities crossed my mind too. A whole list of things I could and should be doing. What do you think I did? I sat on my butt and fell asleep watching T.V.  When I woke up I was a little disoriented. The house seemed too quiet. Quiet means Rachel is probably doing something she shouldn’t be doing. I called her name. No answer. I jumped up, racing from room to room not finding her anywhere. With my heart feeling like it was going to explode I had to laugh at myself. Rachel was with her aunt. I was so relieved but felt pretty silly, then decided to do something I don’t normally do. I contacted a friend that I hadn’t seen in over 30 years. Yes, I know I’m really showing my age. Anyway we talked on the phone for a bit and he asked me to dinner. I actually had a wonderful time. And yes, if you read the shock in my words, you read them right.  I was very surprised.  We have been talking on a daily basis since the first phone call.

Now what do I do?  I swore to myself that I would never get involved with someone ever again.  I figure a date now and then is okay, but to actually get involved.  Well that’s a completely different story. I’ve been single longer than I want to admit and I kind of like it. I think. It’s nice to not argue over the remote control, what I’m having for dinner (except for the arguments Rachel and I have)  I don’t need a man coming into my life and telling me how I should raise my daughter.

But on the other hand, am I being selfish and denying my daughter a possible father figure, or am I being safe by shielding Rachel from a man that will probably break both of our hearts in the end anyway?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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